///Indie Journal Daily///

Saturday, August 02, 2003

Sunday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part three

We must go back to the year 710 to start this journey through Japanese history. Prior to 710 (709 to 0 and, of course the B.C. eons) has little to do with where we begin. However, here’s a brief paragraph about all those years before our starting point.

According to some traditional documents, the country was founded around AD 500 by a guy named Jimmu. He was supposed to be a descendant of the sun goddess and was an ancestor of the emperor. That’s all you need to know.

This history begins at the birth of Yakamoo. He was born the same year the first Japanese capital city, Nara, opens for business. Yakamoo’s parents argue for a month after he is born, because the mother, Ishibooboo, wants to name her first child after the first Japanese city. But the father, Sakaska, reminded Ishibooboo that he is the man and the man rules, especially when his name isn’t silly sounding like his wife’s name.

Ishibooboo was a peasant girl, as were many poor girls growing up in the outskirts of Nara. Her name was always mocked by other peasant girls. Japanese peasant girls were always finding things to laugh about because life, in general, was so miserable and poverty lacked the elements necessary to make one laugh. There was so much poverty in 710 by the country’s first capital city that Sakaska was considered rich solely on the fact that he had in his possession a knife with a pearl handle. It had been given to him by his father, a Nikamoto warrior. The Nikamoto warriors ruled the Sami Valley near the Mikado for centuries, always cutting things with their knives. The pearls on the handles of the knives were collected from the Fushiyamkatamatas, who were the fisherman of the area. Nikamoto warriors were gifted the pearls in exchange for an embargo on scalping the fishermen’s wives, a popular warrior pastime.

But even the fishermen didn’t keep the pearls they collected. Instead, they delivered them to the Buddhist monasteries and the emperor and central government officials, who strung the pearls into valuable necklaces and, if a pearl was large enough, used it as a substitute eye for the old and eyeless. Not the peasant old and eyeless, mind you. Pearls were only for the rich. So was most of the currency, food and clothing.

But here, too, it is important to understand that in 710 the most influential culture on the Japanese was China. That’s a whole different history we won’t get into here, but it is pertinent to realize in 710 the Chinese influence was strong. Why? Because I am writing this and that’s what I feel you should know. Also, because the Chinese secretly wanted all Japanese to be Chinese and were it not for a stubborn Japanese royal family, the Fujiwaras, early Japan would not have strove for an identity of its own. This family would rule for decades, but more about that later if I remember to bring it up. Now, back to Yakamoo.

To be continued

Previous chapters of this series can be found in the archives

Frank Cotolo 9:04 PM

Friday, August 01, 2003

Saturday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part two

The current loan-sharking problem in Japan is indicative of a country with the shape of Japan. Look on a map and see how the nature of the country’s border configuration can make it a haven for such dastardly activity. I’ll wait.

Back? All right, so now you see what I mean. This onslaught of criminal activity in Japan sensationalizes those who are less fortunate, which, in a way, though I don’t know which way, is a metaphor for the history of these people. Other countries have had kings and queens and the rule of royalty, but Japan is different than those countries, even in shape. And in order to understand the wave of terror from Shaki or yakuza or whatever you wish to call this underground menace, you have to be in a Japanese mindset.

In order to be in a Japanese mindset, you have to be aware of the powers of respect and disrespect. The differences may seem clear to a Westerner, but the line drawn between the two is so thin, so easily collapsed, that one may not imagine how cruel one human can be to another human’s toes. But I believe that in my heart of hearts I can thoroughly comprehend how the Japanese person feels, no less digests raw fish so easily. It is all part of the history I wish to share with you, one that I didn’t care to share with anyone until I began reading about the current crisis in the land I wish was my homeland.

Where do I begin? I should do what James A. Michener always did when writing one of his gargantuan history-based novels. That is, I should start by describing the land of Japan as it was in the beginning of time and take you through the creation of beings from sea to land and over hill and dale. But, I don’t have a staff of a hundred minions to do all the research, like Michener had. Besides, stories of the creation of beings from sea to land and over hill and dale tend to make a reader sleepy and have known to cause nausea in those under the age of twenty.

So, I will begin later and work my way to the present, peppering the history with parables, because I got them on sale the other day and have way too many hanging around my desk. It would, however, be best to present the facts through the eyes of a family, so as to discern the climate of human behavior in its proper perspective through the ages. This, then, is the story through the eyes of the Yakamoo, which takes us back to the very first pages of Japanese history; back when those crazy letters in their alphabet were less distinct and visible to the naked eye.

To be continued

Previous chapters of this series can be found in the archives

Frank Cotolo 7:59 PM

Thursday, July 31, 2003

Friday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one

As all of you know, my penchant for Japan and its culture is deep and foreboding. It goes back to my childhood when I had a strong and unexplained affection for the enemy in the movie, Back To Bataan. Also, as a youngster, like many, I had an imaginary friend. But mine was a samurai. Then, of course, the gripping hold from the penultimate James Bond book, You Only Live Twice. For sure, if past lives are for real, I was a ninja or samauri warrior or, at the very least, an extra in a Kirosawa film.

And through my youth I continued my study of the Land of the Midnight Sun, its people, its foods, its religion, its music, its topography, its affinity for drama and tradition.

Today, too, I keep close tabs on what is happening in the Orient. And it is a current issue in Japan that brings me to this series. To begin, let me document that I am shocked at the country’s increasingly widespread crime of loan-sharking at annual interest rates in excess of 6,000 percent. I must say that even half of that interest rate would be cause for alarm. But this is nothing new in the original land of dramatic tradition, where yin and yang share timely disproportionate balances that are needed for each to survive.

A lot of this current problem, of course, stems from the expansion of organized crime syndicates in Japan. These culprits—or Shaki, as I call them—are taking advantage of a growing reliance on millions of Japanese households that have fallen desperately into debt. I discovered that personal bankruptcies have quadrupled over the past decade and that too many households have such poor credit that no legal source will extend a loan. So, being the natural gambler that a Japanese person is, a lot of people are willing to take on absurd rates of interest to avoid total financial collapse.

Experts now estimate that the number of loan-sharking victims—all of whom get into dire trouble trying to pay the Shaki back—exceeds one million. In Tokyo alone, someone tells me, more than nine hundred people left jobs and families to escape hideous terror from loan sharks wanting their money back. None of these reported nine hundred people have been found, though my sources indicate that one hundred may have been killed. Or not. They also suggest that two hundred have left the country, probably by boat, most likely wearing light colored clothing and singing Mac Davis songs. There are so many unaccounted for that one source told me it is not out of the bounds of imagination to think that Shaki cutthroats have found these people and eaten them.

Far fetched? Not really. Roughly a quarter of the loan sharks are linked to Shaki, or, as it is actually know, yakuza, and many people tend to believe that some of these criminals are also cannibals. But legend grows quickly in this culture, sometimes more quickly than a worm in a windstorm, and villains become exaggerated beasts. More about that later.

Back, first, to the current monsters. It seems they prey on people to get business. One lender, a Japanese tie salesman who spoke to me under the condition that I do not reveal his story is a lie, said that men dressed like bankers came to him after he had trouble making payments on a loan from a legal finance company. They said they could help and he should set up an appointment with them. He visited the office of these men. And he said, “When I opened the door, I immediately sensed that the door was not entirely opened. I tried to close it all the way, but it seemed to be unable to close fully. I am always suspicious of rooms that have doors that cannot be entirely closed. All my life such rooms have meant nothing to me but sorrow and grief. It is as if my shadow disappeared and only the evening moon can bring me peace and saki.”

But this, as you will discover, is nothing new.

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 9:21 PM

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

Thursday; my favorite day of any week

[Editor's note--Beginning Friday, Aug. 1, on this page, Frank Cotolo rewrites history with the series he claims will help readers "learn the truth behind your Oriental heritage." The series, The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan will appear in chapters each day at the Indie Journal Daily until, as Frank says, "the reader firmly understands we are all, in essence, Japanese." Don’t miss a chapter. Check in here every day.]

And now, a musing about Thursdays, before I endeavor into the depths of history.

Ernest Hemingway once said to me, on a Thursday, "Frank, if I knew you back when, I'da blown your head off instead of mine."

And, of course, I once worked in a circus with The Flying Wambangos and papa Wambango liked me enough to say, "Remember, not all good things you do come back to you. Sometimes you get a disease instead." This never impressed me, but then one Thursday I had an affair with Greta Garbo. But she was so old at the time she hardly noticed.

Each Thursday is for pondering the things that have happened, the people who things have happened to.

Like one Thursday long ago I was fishing with Robert Redford and he said, "A river runs through here," to which I replied, "Of course, you nut, that's where the hook goes in." But he was never as kind as Ezra Pound, who wrote about me in many books but left my name out. Just like Jack Webb did in that episode of Dragnet where the two guys steal a car and one of them ... Oh wait, that was Friday.

Every Thursday grows dearer to me and should to you, especially if you are over 80. When Vincent Price looked at me that Thursday long ago, he wasn't kidding when he said, "Does my skin look like a sleeping bag to you?"

Oh, the memories pour out as the Thursday sun paints the porch (heck, I ain't gonna get on my knees and paint it). Tim Leary, one Thursday, said to me, "Frank, I feel the universe is only but a microcosmic point on the pin of a needle," and then he spun around four times and sang Lady Be Good.

But I remembered that and on this day I tell you all to remember that what you say to people may so impress them that later in their lives they recall it and think of it and say it to someone else. You think the things you say aren't important sometimes but other times they mean nothing.

I leave you with this today, as my mind rambles between the eyes of the faces I have seen and the ears I have pierced on Thursdays across the years: When push comes to shove, you will fall.

And really, think of this one last thing: If an asteroid hits the earth and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Frank Cotolo 7:24 PM

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Wednesday; don't delete your cookies

As far as I'm concerned--and no one can really measure how far that is--there are only two kinds of people in this world. There are those who like Oreos and those who prefer Hydrox. The disparity between the two is wider than you can imagine, if, indeed, imagining such a thing is something you wish to pass the time doing. But I have been all around this great wide world and noticed that although there are people who seem to be different, it is only a physical thing. And then, only one that can be seen (for who among us can say an Oriental feels different than a Native American?). No, my good friends, it is the choice of cookies that seperates mankind.

I am a Hydrox man and for that I am scoffed at and, at times, assaulted to the umpth degree (a measure so great that NASA once considered shutting down since a rocket or robot rocket could never be built to reach). My preference for Hydrox is personal and seemingly hard to trace. I will eat Oreos, yes, but only when dunked in milk. This is common among Hydrox people, be those people white, black, yellow, red or any combination of those colors. Hydrox people have traits unlike Oreo people. For one, they are risk-takers, where as Oreo people tend to be conservative and only vote for political candidates who wear ties. Hydrox people start businesses without money. Sometimes they even do this out of their teeny tiny one-bed room apartments, where they place small ads in newspapers and wind up wearing flowery shirts and doing infomercials. Never would an Oreo person reach such heights.

But Oreo people are not bad people just because they tend to be conservative. Indeed, since the invention of the Oreo, some of our greatest leaders were Oreo people. Also, Oreo people show signs of great creativity. Some paint, others breed paint horses and still others can distinguish between lavender and purple in the dark. On top of that, Oreo people are, on the whole, better mechanics. Never ask a Hyrdox person to look under your hood and fix one of those pump things. Never ask a Hydrox person to fix anything, he or she is dangerous with heavy tools. Hyrdox people have been known to cause great bodily injury to themselves while putting on cufflinks.

In academia, Oreo people always out-do Hydrox people. Math, science and history are easy subjects for Oreo people. Hyrdrox people like to play in sandboxes a lot and have no idea how many states surround Tennessee, no less are they able to spell that state. Oreo people count better, too. Usually, when the number exceeds 17 digits, the Hydrox person gives up, where the Oreo person has the ability to continue into the 20-digit area, which, although worthless, makes a great point about large numbers.

Oreo people often marry Hydrox people. If they have children, the genes tend to lean to the Hydrox area, especially if the child is male. Forty-four percent of all offspring by Oreo-Hydrox marriages are male, a statistic that is documented in the Univerity of Oregon's Cookie-Ingestion study of 1966. Females are mostly Oreo people, and rarely dunk their cookies in milk. Hydrox females usually allow the cookie to soak in milk until a spoon is needed to extract any remaining part of it.

Yes, you may think there are differences greater than this that make the world so cruel, make people join cults, follow religions and vote Libertarian, but there are not any other differences in people. So, the next time, which may be soon after you read this, you are with someone you know or love or work with, don't look at him or her as anything but either an Oreo or a Hydrox person. Ask which one they are. Discuss your differences, explain your methods of enjoying the cake, and maybe, regardless of the huge disparity between the two types of people, we can all, at last, once and for all, live in peace.

[Editor's note--Beginning Aug. 1 on this page, a monumental series of educational value begins. Learn the truth behind your Oriental heritage. Be here for The Complete And Unabridged History Of Japan. Check your local listings for time and weather.]

Frank Cotolo 8:08 PM

Monday, July 28, 2003

Tuesday; What if you don’t read this?

As you all know, or should, I am usually about seven to ten days ahead of the day that you read any particular entry of mine in the Indie Journal Daily. This piece, for instance, is being written eight days ahead of its publish date. This is what made me realize something about my entries. Although they are generic enough to be written as many as a dozen days ahead, a lot can happen in the days between the writing and the publishing. A lot. Like, for instance, can some catastrophe occur that will disable this contraption and not allow you to read it at all? If you are you reading this now then all is well. But suppose you are not reading this now? What happened?

I decided to safeguard this do-things-ahead-of-time process by visiting my favorite psychic, El Mentallo de Zoomba, making him a part of my writing habit. El M, as we have come to know him around these parts, all of which are easily assembled, usually charges people for looking into the future. But it is pro-rated. If you want to look a year ahead it costs more than a mere week, which is what I asked him to do. We cut a deal, though, so I don’t have to pay him at all. The details of that deal will remain undisclosed for the benefit of people involved who would become embarrassed if you knew the details involving those involved. We must, after all, respect the dead.

So I asked El M to look into the week ahead and tell me what might happen. Then I would decide if those events affected my writing. El M told me to come over to his place about three in the afternoon, because he didn’t want to look into the future until after his lunch. El M was dressed as usual, in a robe adorned with colorful designs and a photo of W.C. Fields on the back. “Frank,” he said as I sat down on his couch, “I see strange things happening this week.” I asked him, “Like what?” He said, “Mayhem in the fish market. And, a problem with the plumbing in the Empire State Building.” I smiled.

“There will be an explosion on Jupiter,” he said.
“All this is fine with me,” I said, knowing that none of it has anything to do with my columns.
“The name Bob Hope comes to mind, too.”
“Ok, but I already wrote something when he turned a hundred.”
"Well, I'm just telling you that it could be a good day to write something else."
"I'll make a note of it. What else?"
“And your cat will die.”
“Which one?”
“Eskimo.”
“Can I prevent his death?”
“If you do, my prediction will be wrong.”
“What else do you see?”
“You will be visited by a tall, dark stranger with a machete who threatens you with death if you do not paint his car blue.”
“Ok.”
“People will read a segment you write about me, but not all the way through.”
“That must be this one.”
“Yes.”
“Thanks for your help.”
I left.

[Editor's note--Beginning Aug. 1 on this page, a monumental series of educational value begins. Learn the truth behind your Oriental heritage. Be here for The Complete And Unabridged History Of Japan. Check your local listings for time and weather.]

Frank Cotolo 7:42 PM

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Monday; Tokyo, to go or not to go?

Well, it is still summer and there is still time to grab a vacation. How about Japan? I have mentioned this country before as a great place to take the family and now mention it again because, to my knowledge, no one read that article. Plus, I am on the verge of beginning a big series on the history of this great country (see note below) on Aug. 1.

Although Japan is in the throes of a recession, Tokyo is thriving as if money means nothing. The city Godzilla ruined in celluloid is really one of the world's main economic centers and a populous metropolitan area, buzzing and humming and bubbling in ways no strange creature that breathes fire could ever discourage. Tokyo is a city that presents a different view of itself at every corner. Some of it is modern and at night it glitters with neon and fluorescent lights that shine like shimmering objects generated by electricity.

But you can leave that array of color and adjourn to quiet cobbled lanes and sculpted gardens that are more indicative of ancient Japanese life and well-cooked white rice. If you look down one street might see nothing but neon and concrete, but around the corner you can find yourself in the bonsai-lined courtyard of an inn that was never vacated or rummaged by Jackie Chan and friends.

Other than Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra and other fictional beasts, Tokyo has been nearly destroyed by fires, earthquakes, floods and war. But none of that ever stopped the Japanese people from using the tools of courage to rebuild it and pack as many people as is possible into apartments, office buildings, subways and other public spots. This could explain why the city retains only bits of what is called Old Japan (probably because so much is new now). Still, a visitor can find an amazing mixture of old and modern architecture, sometimes side by side, through a maze of streets where it is not uncommon for local taxi drivers lose their way (though as angry as they become, none are tempted to impale themselves with a sword).

Too many visitors there go strictly for business. But these days it's possible to holiday in Tokyo on a reasonable budget and a hankering for raw fish. Certainly it is a bit of culture shock for a Westerner, but one’s life is not complete until one becomes embedded in the main city of a country that once thought it could take over the world. Unlike Germany, which had similar plans at one time in history, Japan, specifically Tokyo, feels even today that it may have been able to dominate the world. Certainly, if nothing else, the heart-attack rate of humanity would have lessened greatly had the Japanese dominated all of Earth.

Regardless of what you think of their former ambitions, your love for bamboo will grow and your taste for saki could turn you off of homemade whiskey once and for all when you return to the states. It would do you and the family well to pick up some habits from this culture, bring them home and make them a part of your lifestyle. Look what it did for Raymond Burr.

[Editor's note--Beginning Aug. 1 on this page, a monumental series of educational value begins. Learn the truth behind your Oriental heritage. Be here for The Complete And Unabridged History Of Japan. Check your local listings for time and weather.]

Frank Cotolo 7:21 PM