///Indie Journal Daily///

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Sunday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-eight

“Where to now? Smithblanket said as I drove the car south on U.S. 81.
“Back home,” I said.
Smithblanket laughed and said, “No way, it ain’t safe, remember what Ronald Reagan said?”
“That wasn’t Reagan, it was Akira and yes I remember what he said.”
“Then why are we going back?”
“Because all of my notes are there, the history text is there.”
“And?”
“And I have to bring these notes we gathered and put them with the history text.”
“And then die?”
“No.”
“But that’s what the President said could happen if we go back.”
“That wasn’t Reagan, it was Akira Yakamoo and just because we go back doesn’t mean we will die.”
“But if they catch us and they are after us. Wait, I mean if they are after us and then they catch us, because they have to be after us before they catch us. They can’t catch us and not be after us, right?”
“Right.”
“Then you agree they are after us?”
“Well we don’t know, really.”
“What about all those nips on the lawn?”
“They may have been after Akira.”
“I never thought of that.”
“You don’t think of a lot of things.”
“Oh yes I do. I just don’t tell you or anyone else all of the things I think.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“You say a lot of things you don’t mean.”
“Forget it.”
“No, this is important to me. Why don’t you ever care about things that are important to me?”
“All right, say your piece.”
“I don’t have a piece. I have an entire thing, a whole, a complete pie, a big wazoola.”
“I didn’t mean that you only have a piece.”
“See, there you go again saying things you don’t mean.”
“Look, let me make this clear. We are going back to my house. You are my body guard. If you want this job, just guard me and we will be all right.”
“How’s that? You won’t even give me a chance to toss anyone off a roof. What have I guarded you from so far? Nothing. Nobody.”
“You are a deterrent.”
“A what? No I am not. I don’t belong to no group that prays to clouds.”
“That’s not a group that prays to crowds.”
“Then what is it and why did you call me that?”
“I meant to say …”
“There you go again, meaning, but not saying what you mean or meaning what you say. Why do you hurt me like this? Why do you suddenly turn against me? Can we stop for coffee?”

I drove on, quietly and looked for a rest stop.

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 9:05 PM

Friday, February 06, 2004

Saturday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-seven

I stopped reading Fisterbunn’s quotes when I flipped through the pages I had not read already and realized the pages went on endlessly. Or so it seemed. I picked up the load of papers and carried them into the kitchen. I said to Simcoe, “It’s all fine, doc and I will use it all in my history.”
“Pick a card,” he said.
“No, we really do have to be going now,” I said, seeing Smithblanket smile at the thought of leaving.
“You promised,” Simcoe said. “Your friend here is a rotten audience, you see, because he lies about the prowess of my sleight of hand.”
“Did not,” said Smithblanket.
“Don’t start this,” I said, “All right Simcoe, just one trick.”
“Yes, of course. And I will show you my best,” he said, handing me a deck of cards. “Go ahead and shuffle them all you want.”

While I shuffled, Smithblanket rolled his eyes.

“All right,” Simcoe said, “now give me the deck back.”
I gave him the deck back and said, “Here is the deck back.”
“Good,” he said, presenting the deck to me again. “Pick a card, any card,” he said.
I picked a card.
“Now, read it, but not aloud.”

Smithblanket rolled his eyes.

I read the card. It was clearly the King of Clubs.
“Now put the card back into the deck, slowly, anywhere,” Simcoe said.
I put the card back into the deck, slowly, in a particular place.
“All right,” Simcoe said. “Now I shuffle the deck again, in front of you, without distracting your attention to any other activity.”

Smithblanket rolled his eyes.

Simcoe finished shuffling and put the deck to his brow. Then he placed the deck in his open hand and dropped it onto the floor. “Don’t move,” he said. “You bend down now and look through the deck. You will see that the only card face up is the card you chose and put back anywhere into the deck.”

Smithblanket rolled his eyes.

I kneeled down before the fallen deck. There were at least ten or fifteen or twenty cards face up. Whatever Simcoe planned had failed miserably. But, I knew if we denied this trick was anything less than fantastic that we would be hurled into an argument that would not allow us to leave. I knew it was time to leave. Simcoe was really only a shadow of his former self and certainly, as Smithblanket had said, a loon. I looked up and stood up and said, “Marvelous trick, my good man! You accurately identified the card I picked.”

As we drove away from the house, Simcoe was still taking bows and smiling.

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 6:26 PM

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Friday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-six

I stopped reading Fisterbunn’s quotes and went into the kitchen. There, Simcoe was trying to convince Smithblanket that he had properly identified a card in a trick.

“I tell you, boss,” Smithblanket said to me when I entered the kitchen, “this guy don’t know nothing about card tricks. I don’t either, but he is way off the mark, more off the mark than me.”

“This is not true,” said Simcoe. “The man picks the Ace of Spades and denies it is the Ace of Spades.”
“I lied once, all right,” Smithblanket said, “just to see what you would do and to spice up the action in here because to tell you the truth this stuff is boring.”

“Simcoe,” I said, “these quotes you gave me are rather long.”
“You are still reading them?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“They are thorough, I know, but you must understand my views and you did ask me for my views, correct?”
“Yes, but I was wondering if we could edit some of it.”
“What? Which part?”
“I don’t know, but maybe we could make it shorter?”
“You haven’t even finished reading the length of it, so how can you know what to take out, even if I allow you to take anything out, huh?”

“I told him it wasn’t the card I picked,” Smithblanket said, laughing out of the side of his mouth. “And he got all pissed off, you know? It was funny.”
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.
“It was not funny,” Simcoe said.
“Yes it was,” Smithblanket said.

I went back into Simcoe’s office and continued reading his quotes.

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 6:49 PM

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Thursday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-five

I continued reading Fisterbunn’s quotes.

“Incidario Dockamipay said, I repeat, and I cannot repeat this enough: ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’

“I said, I cannot repeat this enough: ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’

“Maybe you didn’t understand it, because you need to read it again and absorb it? Ok, I cannot repeat this enough: ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’

“Are you beginning to even get the gist of this? I cannot repeat this enough: ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’

“You could take it phrase by phrase, because it is a complex thought, so read it again and think this time, in pieces: ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’

“Any better? Any closer to the meaning or a flavor of the meaning or any conscious understanding of what this brilliant man is saying here? You know being brilliant is difficult because not every one is as smart and they don’t get what smart people say all the time. Some times the smart people must say it again and again and again. So, this is not to say you are stupid, but, reader, really, even I had to read this numerous times before it sunk into my head. Here it is again: ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’

“All right, take a breath. Maybe it is too much for you on an empty stomach. Have you eaten and digested recently? Can you honestly say you are in a sound state of mind to even be reading such brilliance? It has been proven that without the proper nutrients the brain does not function as it should and one cannot get the essence of essential things into one’s mind. So eating is important for brain functions as well as you need your vitamins and minerals and stuff in order to fight disease.

“So, let’s look at what he said again after you have had a decent meal. It should be one that includes members of the four food groups. Or is that five food groups? I forget how many important food groups there are out there. Let’s review them. Grain, liquid, seed, fiber, meat, dairy, supplemental vitamin. Wait, that is far too many. And I forgot vegetables. How could I forget vegetables? Me, an expert on Japanese culture forgetting vegetables. This food group alone may be enough to keep people from an early death. For the Japanese it was imperative for centuries. Ok, let’s eat something already before we faint.”

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 7:00 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Wednesday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-four

I went back to the office while Simcoe Fisterbunn and Smithblanket argued. I continued reading Fisterbunn’s quotes.

“Incidario Dockamipay, I would like to add here for the record, was no ordinary man. He was also the victim of his own legendary past. So smart was Incidario Dockamipay that at age four he was learning in a school with some of the great minds of the century and telling them all about neuro-physics, a science so complex that no one ever understood it and five academic geniuses died trying. At age five, Incidario Dockamipay left the halls of high knowledge and visited Sir Gelham Mustardplaster at a scientific meeting of the minds in Geneva. Incidario Dockamipay called Mustardplaster and his colleagues idiots and poopy draws when the group of scientific minds said that there was no evidence of cloud formations looking like animals. Incidario Dockamipay stormed from the meeting and was sent by his parents to the Zurich School of Visionary Legends, where Incidario Dockamipay earned his doctorate at age nine.

“So you see this was no dunce. Of all the Italians, and I know Benito Pastachorts would agree with me here, Incidario Dockamipay was the brightest and swiftest of thinkers and could prove anything right, wrong, true or false. Plus, he could spell great. No word in any language was too difficult for Incidario Dockamipay to spell. At age fifteen he won the Global Bee of Spelling in Manchuria and was praised by the Arab nation that same year for knowing how many pieces of stone it took to build the Pyramids, while also spelling the names of every slave who participated in the original construction.

“Is it any wonder that at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953, Dockamipay lay bare the origins of truth and lie with the preposition that all lies and all truths are both sides of the same coin and rely on one another to be contrasted as what is or what is not. This philosophical supposition was so powerful at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 that it cause severe vomiting among the crowd and is still blamed as the reason for a strain of germ that clings to the mens’ room walls at the hotel where the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 was held.

“But I believe that, in itself, is a legend, for as Dockamipay would prove himself, no germ could possibly be created by a theory or a thought or a supposition or an idea or a concept. Indeed, the cause of people becoming sick at the hotel where was held the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 was a matter of the people’s own misconduct with hygiene. That was proven in 1954 but people liked to think that there was a magical answer to the germ’s spreading. Indeed, the magical answers are the ones that people cling to because they are filled with such adventure and so little sustaining truth, which is, after all, boring.

“And, yes, all right, back to the question of this stupid story of Japan’s sale to China. Well, Dockamipay knew nothing of this story or anything else, but I knew of it even back during the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 and I knew when Dockamipay retorted to Miss Snap that the lie and the myth and the legend and the truth were all mashed together and that what might have really happened did not happen because, as Dockamipay said, ‘The truth is the other side of a lie in disguise that it is a legend of mythical proportions with a nucleus of the truth at its center, where all nuclei hold together the realms of reality.’”

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 6:19 PM

Monday, February 02, 2004

Tuesday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-three

As I turned the next page and continued to read Simcoe Fisterbunn’s quotes, Smithblanket came into the room and asked me if I wanted a hot dog. I told him I didn’t want a hot dog now; that I had to complete reading Simcoe Fisterbunn’s quotes.

“That guy’s a loon,” Smithblanket said.
“Don’t say that so loudly,” I said.
“He’s in the kitchen trying to make potato chips disappear.”
“What?”
“Yeah, he thinks I don’t see that he is putting them into his mouth. What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing that I know. He is brilliant. You should read these quotes he wrote for my history.”
“No thanks, they can’t be any good. Guy’s a loon.”

I put down the quotes and walked into the kitchen with Smithblanket. There was Simcoe, playing with a bag of potato chips. “Watch this, young man,” Simcoe said, holding up a potato chip. “Now you see it,” he said and he turned around once in place. “And now you don’t,” he said, with a mouth filled with potato chips.
“See, he put it in his mouth,” Smithblanket said.
“Did not,” said Simcoe.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe, spitting out some chips.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe, spitting out some chips.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe, spitting out some chips.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe, spitting out some chips.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe, spitting out some chips.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.
“Did not,” said Simcoe, spitting out some chips.
“Did too,” said Smithblanket.

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 10:26 PM

Sunday, February 01, 2004

Monday; The Complete and Unabridged History of Japan, part one hundred sixty-two

Simcoe Fisterbunn’s quotes continued:

“If a myth cannot be true, else it would not be a myth, can a truth be legend? You might ask me such a thing and I would say to you that such a thing has been asked over and over again, especially through the ages and through the cultures of many a people.

“And if a truth is legendary, then is it truth or has it just been put to legendary proportions? And, if legendary proportions apply to any truth, just how corrupt is the truth that is left with the legendary elements?

“These questions were asked at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 and I was there to hear what many scholars said and wrote and thought about these things. Also in 1953, the International Conference of Magicians took place in the hotel next to the hotel where took place the International Conference of True Legends and I managed to visit both and to realize that magic done through sleight of hand was so much like the quest for truth, legend, myth and lie.

“Alas, it was Scornby Hall who brought to the attention of all that a lie could be legend. ‘Not so,’ said Wendy Snap, who had just written that wonderful book on egg creams and how the Norwegian people were wrongly credited with the drink’s origin. Miss Snap said, ‘No lie can stand as a legend because there must be a truth that contrasts a lie, else no lie can exist.’

“I recall that what Miss Snap said at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 was the brunt of what Incidario Dockamipay spoke about for hours on day two of the sessions. My goodness, what a brilliant man Dockamipay was and how often he showed that brilliance without the use of a chain saw. He had two brains, it was said, and of course that was a lie or a legend or a myth, or simply a poetic way of saying that Dockamipay was extremely smart.

“I respected Dockamipay more than I respected Miss Snap or Mr. Hall or even Wegbinder McPhart. He, I thought, was a braggart and someone who came to the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 only to challenge us and then return to his small village in Scotland where he and his drunken family would slobber over the tables of their pubs and blacken their livers, and make fun of every one at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953.

“But Dockamipay, I felt, feel and will always feel, put to rest any thoughts about the truth, the lie, the myth and the legend, especially that brought up by Miss Snap at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953. And do not think I have strayed here, either, because every thing that Dockamipay said at the International Conference of True Legends in 1953 is the foundation of why this story of Japan being sold to China by hoodlums is poppycock and coodle gook.

“It is, too, squabble gunk and flock shlep. And, as well, meeble stones and fussy puss worms. All, incidentally, phrases originated by Incidario Dockamipay in his many volumes of brilliant explanation about this sort of thing.”

To be continued

Frank Cotolo 7:10 PM