I am not at liberty to reveal all of the marvelous women whom have made love to me over the past three decades. If I were, I would mention them by name and you would be jealous, envious and a lot of you would also say, "Who?"
Still, I want to tell you a story of one very famous woman who gave herself to me but I have to disguise her by using the name "Penelope" and remind you that any resemblance to a very famous woman, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
I met Penelope on the set of a movie she was making when she was pulling in a mil a film. She saw me staring.
"You are staring," she said.
"And you are starring," I said. "That is the difference of one letter. What are the odds of that?"
She was impressed with my quick wit and after the next scene she invited me into her trailer for a coffee. Once in, she gave me coffee and said, "You don't mind if I use the styrofoam cup for you, right?"
"Not a bit," I said.
"I save the glass cups for important movie stars."
"Men?"
"Of course."
"Are they all as handsome as me?"
"No. Some of them are very ugly but their teeth are better than your teeth. Still, they have money and I don't want to be intimate with any shlub."
"So you brought a shlub in here because you are attracted to this shlub?"
"I didn't even notice you until you I saw you staring at me. But then you are right about staring and starring. That is almost, how do you say it? Kismit?"
"I think that is how you say it. Accent on 'kis.'"
"So then, you want to stay in the trailer until I am done and meet me at the Roosevelt Hotel later?"
"Is that where you are staying?"
"No, that is where I will be later, if you want to meet me there you can. Everyone thinks I am going to the Sheridan, so no one will see you with me, which is important."
"I understand. Sure."
We met later at the Roosevelt and I have to tell you, she was beautiful and smelled like a bed of roses. She liked my vest and she took me into the hallway in the back of the kitchen and we did it in public, against the wall and I swear two Mexican busboys were watching.
Afterwards, she made me wear fake eyeglasses and a plastic beard and we had an expensive dinner in the restaurant. She paid with a credit card. I offered to leave a tip but she said that two dollars was not enough. She told me that I should meet her at the trailer again in the morning and I told her I couldn't do that.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because I don't want you to thinkI am taking advantage of you," I said.
"But you are," she said.
I agreed and then met her in the morning.
The affair went on for a while and then she got a part in a movie and had to go to Barcelona on location. She told me that she was bound to fall in love with her leading man and that would be the end of our relationship. When I told her it was too late because I had fallen in love with her she slapped me and called the studio security guards. They escorted me off of the grounds.
I never saw her again, except in movies that I still watch over and over. I especially love the one where she is the .... Opps, I almost gave it away. Let's leave it at that.
For now.
Frank Cotolo 12:36 PM
